Trigger Warning: Suicide
Tonight, as I was scrolling through my updates on Goodreads, I came across an update that sent a chill through my heart. A user who had added me had marked a book titled “How to Commit Suicide” as To Be Read.
As quickly as I could, I set my fingers to my keyboard and asked the user to PM me. She couldn’t since she was on the app (and the Goodreads app is kind of terrible, if we’re being honest) so I sat down and had a conversation right there in the comments section of the update.
She told me that she had been hurt, and that she felt like God hated her but that He was also keeping her from killing herself. And so we talked, and she calmed down. And when all was said and done, I broke down and cried out of pure relief.
This stranger on the internet that I had known for less than an hour broke my heart.
The thing is, I have been in that situation before. The utter sense of despair, the feeling of worthlessness, the need for literally anyone to let me know that I was better off alive than dead. I won’t get into it, but there was a time in my life that I wasn’t much better off than this girl.
But in my darkest moment, I found a tiny ray of light. While reading a blog post (way back before I was a blogger!) I saw an ad for the Crisis Text Line. Needless to say, I texted them immediately.
Talking to someone right then and there was ultimately what stopped me from killing myself back then. I know how it feels to be so desperate to talk to someone that you can’t breathe, and I relived that today through the eyes of an onlooker.
And that’s why I decided it was necessary to write this post.
I compiled a list of every hotline that I could find, and I’m posting them here. If there are any that I missed, please leave them in the comments and I’ll add them. And please tell me if any of these are inaccurate.
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 (also has online chat)
- Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Suicide Hotline): 1-866-488-7386
- Trevor Project Text Line: 1-202-304-1200 (also has online chat)
- Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
- Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
- Exhale (After Abortion/Pro-voice Hotline): 1-866-439-4253
- Text Crisis Line: Text CONNECT to 741741
- HopeLine: 1-800-784-2433
- Also good to mention!! CrisisChat.org
Costa Rica: 506-253-5439
Mauritus: 46-48-889 or 800-93-93
New Zealand: 4-473-9739
Republic of Ireland: 1850-60-90-90
Singapore: 800-221-4444 or 000-227-0309
South Africa: 0861-322-322
South Korea: 2-715-8600
St. Vincent: 809-456-1044
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0486-3227715 or 0482-226585
And my blog is ALWAYS a safe place to ask for help!!
The most important thing to remember is that it does get better. If you would have asked me even a year ago where I’d be right now I would have probably said six feet underground.
No matter what you think, you are absolutely not alone. I am here for you, we are all here for you as a community. And even if we don’t know you, we love you so so so much. Your life is worth more than you will ever know and there is always hope.
If there are any hotlines that I missed, please let me know. As well as if any of the ones listed are incorrect. I am here for you, no matter how alone you may feel. And I promise that things get better. See you soon, x.