Ah, 2017. How can I describe what you mean to me? How can words put into motion all of the things you made me feel, and all of the things I experienced? Perhaps, eloquently enough would be…
A Molten Garbage Fire Of Utter Terribleness
Not what you were expecting, huh?
2017 kicked my butt, man. Literally, up, down, sideways, and every other way you can think of. At every turn, it seemed like I was getting punched in the gut. Or even worse, the boob.
Between having to unenroll from school halfway through my tenth-grade year, to not being able to live at home for the vast majority of the latter half of the year, to having a literal breakdown in the beginning of October, this year has freaking sucked.
I hate to say it, but this is a year that I would gladly forget.
But there were some redeeming points.
Now, I know what you’re saying: “OMG Hailey you literally just dragged the entire year through the mud, how could you be so wishy-washy with this subject?”.
Hear me out.
This year, I found out that I was able to graduate an entire year early. This was an incredibly shocking to me as I had expected to be behind the curb if anything. My freshman year was really bad. I only got about half of the credits that I needed in order to advance. It wasn’t my fault because I was incredibly sick, but it was still entirely disappointing. My sophomore year, I took all of the rest of my classes, my 10th-grade classes, and then all of the classes for my junior year (which is what I’d be right now if I hadn’t skipped). But the thing is, I hadn’t actually noticed that I’d taken so many classes. Just that I was VERY stressed out. But I did it! I’m graduating my 11th-grade year! And I’m so very proud of myself.
I met some of my best friends. They keep me grounded. I appreciate them for what they do more than they will ever know.
But on the more bittersweet side of things, came some self-discovery. I learned (in a quite horrible way) that sometimes there are people that you cannot change. And if you can’t change them, you shouldn’t worry yourself about them. I know I sass a lot on my blog, but in real life, I’m a pretty softspoken person. And with my timid nature, comes a lot of empathy for others.
I learned that I absolutely can’t risk my own well-being for others. I know this sounds harsh, but I have sacrificed my own emotional, mental, and even physical health too many times. If you give your all to a person, and they refuse to reciprocate, then that person isn’t worth giving a care about.
I also learned that despite my situation, despite my health, despite my self-esteem, despite the serrated knives of words thrown from the mouths of others, I am an amazing person. I know it seems stuck up but I realized that somehow, through all of my pain, I still felt like the person that I know I am inside. And that person is a fantastic human being.
I am important. I am amazing. I am beautiful. I am not worthless.
2017 was a year of learned not to hate myself, and for all of the absolute torture that I went through this year, it was still one of the best years of my life.
I don’t know what else to say at this point. Looking back at a year of such change to my overall being… leaves me speechless. So I’ll just leave this here in the same way that we are all leaving 2017 behind. Hopefully, 2018 will be a fresh start for more change and more positive situations. Happy New Years to all of you.
Hey everyone! Slightly less dramatic Hailey here. I have a slight problem and I sort of need some input to fix it. If you’ve read literally any of my posts, you’ll know that I don’t have a niche. Do you think that I should stick to a certain type of post? Is there a specific kind of post from me that you’d like to see more of?
See you all in the new year! xx